Visiting a Zoo - a guide to getting the most out of it AKA Zoo Visitor Etiquette

So you have gone to the zoo and all the animals aren't up to much, they're hiding down the back or in a den, and you can't get a good photo on your phone. Is it the zoo or is it you? Here's one simple tip:
Be quiet, listen, and watch. 
That's all you have to do to get more out of every visit. The animals are more likely to linger nearby and relax into their natural behavior if you do this.


To elaborate:
Read the sign telling you what the animal is,
Listen to the keeper or volunteer if there is one, and
be respectful, quiet and patient,
stay still  or move slowly,
give free roaming animals enough space to move,
speak quietly,
watch, observe, be curious.

This means DO NOT:
tap on the glass or walls/fence
yell or make loud noises
throw things
feed the animals
touch the animals (unless a keeper or volunteer has said it's okay to do so, and then avoid the head)
stick any of yourself or your belongings including your camera/phone within the enclosure space
allow your childen to do any of these things.
Think about how you would feel if a stranger appeared in your frontyard doing things from the DO NOT list. I have heard one parent tell their child "How would you feel if some strange person came and yelled at you in your room? You wouldn't like it would you?" It seemed to be effective.

The animals are not here for our entertainment. It's the 21st century - it's about conservation, education and respect for the amazing world we share.

Also check out the meerkats - they're always good value, never a dull moment, and very photogenic too!

Further reading here, the animal's viewpoint here and the zoo's view here.

Relieved like a manta ray...

'Knowing this information gives me scope and dimension; it allows my bowels to exhale relievedly like a manta ray settling on the ocean floor'
From 'Would it Kill You to Stop Doing That?' By Henry Alford

"When are you going to have kids/get married?"

Christmas and Boxing Days: Food was good; Questions about 'When are you gonna have kids/get married?' not good. Especially since they came from people I barely know. One I don't even know her name and it was the first time I met her. My simple, polite answer is that I don't want kids. For the first person this sufficed. For the others I got a talking to that one day I might feel differently. I doubt it. Why this assumption that I want kids? I've known what I want for as long as I've been old enough to make that decision. I don't feel an innate desire to have them, neither does my partner and why is the activity or otherwise of my womb anyone else's f***ing business anyway?

It's like asking a person who owns a dog why they don't want to own a parrot instead. 'Your biology will change and you will want a parrot. When you're older you won't be so lonely with a parrot.' What if I just don't want a parrot? Why are you so hell bent on me joining your parrot owning club? I'm very happy with my dog thanks. Grrr.

I wasn't ready to be barraged as I was this afternoon. Usually simply saying I don't want kids is enough. Now that I've been turning the subject over in my head for a few hours now and ranting with my partner at least now I'm prepared for the next time it comes up. It will. I don't understand why some of my aquaintances have felt the need to bring it up more than once.

Next time I'm asked that I'll politely answer back
'Why do you assume that I want kids? I don't. It's my choice as an adult to make. I'd thank you to respect that and drop this subject'.

'The Art of Tidying', for girls in 1886,

A room that needs tidying.

‘One of the few anecdotes intended to prove a warning to my heedless youth, which I can now remember, related to the homely subject of tidying up. It was to this effect, and was short and sour. Miss Smith had long been engaged to be married to Mr Jones. That gentleman was invited to sleep a night at Mr Smith’s house, and coming down to breakfast he passed his intended wife’s bed-room, from which she had gone down, leaving the door wide open. There he saw such a scene of confusion that he felt sure his home would not be a comfortable one under Miss Smith’s management, and so he broke off the match.
“Mean man!” all you girls cry in chorus; and I am not the least commending Mr Jones’s behavior; I am merely telling you what effect on his conduct the sight of that untidy bed-room had.
My own view of untidiness is that it is an indication of a very inferior mind – a mind lacking in imagination, lacking in the sense of the appropriate, lacking in will-power.
…
It sees that the armchair cannot be used to sit on because a skirt lies across it; the floor cannot conveniently be trodden on because a wrap would trip up the feet; the sunshade must be removed before the smaller chair can be taken from the wall; and the children may catch their heedless little heads against the corners of the open drawers.
…
By acting thus the untidy girl shows herself lacking in the sense of the appropriate. I strongly suspect she is the kind of girl I meet with a fur cape on her shoulders in July, and thin summer shoes on her feet in December. In common language, she never knows “what’s what”.
…
Let it be every woman’s ambition to lead a perfectly beautiful life, and to do that she must try to cultivate a very beautiful mind; for surely we know that the outward is only a picture of the inward, and that a little drop of water can contain a miniature picture of the world; therefore all great results can be accomplished in a very small space, and every little life, in any humble sphere, be so exquisitely lived that it would be a fit subject for a poet’s verse, a painter’s picture of home-life, or a heart-refreshing biography from the pen of a loving friend.’

Image and extract from: Power, Helen, ‘The Art of Tidying’, Cassell’s Family Magazine (annual), 1886, p172-173

Franz Ferdinand and moshing

Franz Ferdinand at The Forum wasn't as exciting as I hoped. Perhaps I built them up too much.

A while back I read that Franz Ferdinand got together to create music to make girls dance and not have just have a bunch of guys moshing. The area closest to the stage was not a lady friendly zone - it was a mosh pit. I saw other women with slightly anxious looks on their faces as the guy/s closest to them bounced fiercely up and down like demented Masai warriors. I saw women back away and others try to make their partners stop moshing.

I don't mosh. It's intimidating being in the middle of it. Guys think it's alright to keep bumping into you. When I told one guy "Get off me!" because he sort of leaned and draped over me, he told me "Relax, it's a concert". His friends were pushy pricks too.

Saying that it reads like other fans spoiled FF for me doesn't it? Well they did. It went against what I had expected from such a gig. I think I would have had 100% fun if I could have gotten closer without being jumped on.

Peak hour musings

Ladies, if you must totter about in high heels do not do it going down the stairs to a train platform during peak hour. Do not stop a few tantalising steps from the bottom of the stairs for no apparent reason while there is a train waiting. Take the escalator down, or be sure to keep to the extreme left. A few of us almost missed our train tonight because of such a woman who, when I turned back to give her a dirty look, was blissfully unaware of our frustration.

Have some consideration for your fellow passengers' olfactory sensorial systems.
Wear deodorant, especially in Summer!

Don't lean your body against the poles in the train carriage/tram/bus. It is not a strip club. You are not pole dancing. You do not have an exclusive one on one relationship with the pole. Only your hand should be in contact with it. Other people need to hold onto the pole and they want as little of you as possible, in their personal space when they do so.

Bauhaus concert, Barcelona, February 2006

I've been meaning to post this since coming back.

Bauhaus in Barcelona
Peter might be old and losing his hair but he rocked as did the rest of the band. Daniel plays a mean axe. Fine showmanship and camaraderie between Peter and Daniel. Highlights were when Peter paced around Daniel throwing rose petals at him, She's in Parties, and their encore performance of Ziggy Stardust. They are not a band I am particularly familiar with but it was well worth our while.


Concert Etiquette

Though I doubt the people who need to read this sort of thing would here 't is anyway. I wrote this back in early March while my annoyance was still somewhat fresh though not palpable ;)

O No big hair. Save the mohawk and any other kind do that increases your perceived height for elsewhere.
O If you have long hair, tie it back so people don’t have to look through/past your hair. Tie it back low so that it doesn’t go in the face of the person behind you.*
O Take photos if it's permitted but show some restraint and have some consideration for those behind you. I don’t want to watch some of the best parts of the concert through your f@#$ing mobile phone/digital camera because it’s blocking my view**
O If you’re 6ft tall don’t stand in the middle near the front. It’s f@#$ing selfish - particularly if you’re built like a bouncer.***
O Do NOT show your appreciation by sticking your fingers in your mouth and whistling loudly at the end of EVERY song.****
O Dance by all means but respect others’ right to see the concert without having your head come in and out of their view. ***** Don’t sway your head/body while moving from foot to foot. You take up twice the visual space. Bounce in your place, tap your foot, nod your head, jiggle, whatever.


Bauhaus concert in Barcelona, February 2006
ink on paper
*Chick just in front of me, kept leaning back which put her high ponytail in contact with my face several times
**Same chick
***His saving grace is that he was bald, so no big hair. I have a vivid recollection of the shape of his head
**** My ears hurt! The music was loud enough without this git doing that.
*****Several people. WTF?